I ran into a good friend of mine recently. What should have been a happier discussion quickly turned south when he told me he was going through a divorce. My heart goes out to him, because what he's getting ready to go through is absolutely going to suck. There is simply no other way to say it.
He's already going to go through some emotional and financial anguish. If he's not careful, he's going to be able to add mental, physical, and spiritual anguish to that list as well.
At this point, I'd like to revisit some points made in an earlier post. I'd like to give my buddy some tips to consider...straight from my other friend named Buddha. Those are:
1. There is suffering
2. There is a reason for the suffering
3. The suffering ends
4. There is a path that leads to the end of the suffering
Right now...he's in stage 1. That dude is suffering. Here is what he needs to focus on next:
He needs to realize the reason for the suffering is down to somebody else's problem. Once he does that, the suffering will end. Here's the tricky part...the path that leads to this is a tricky one.
I've been through this. It blows. What he needs to do is strike the appropriate balance between taking care of himself right now, and making sure his daughters are okay. Sounds easy, and, if he can stay on that path and keep that balance in focus, he'll be feeling better in about 30 days.
That's just simply unrealistic. He's going to question everything that caused this, wonder what could have been done differently, wish that it could be worked out, and harbor levels of bitterness he didn't realize were possible. Of course, this is all normal, and he should allow himself a certain period to work through all of this. He can't have true balance and rebirth until he does. He's got to walk on the dark side just a little bit to better appreciate his time in the light. He can't allow it to go on too long though.
His ability to strike balance will be critical here. Again, all he needs to do is take care of himself, and his kids. When his kids aren't with him, he needs to go be a dude. He needs to drink beers, watch sports with the fellas, flirt with women, rinse...and repeat. When he's got his kids, he needs to be an attentive Dad, and help them work through the tough things they are going to deal with too. He cannot let the two overlap. He'll get out of balance, and things will go south quickly.
I'll be there for him, and I know others will be too. Like I said, I've been through this. By some stroke of unbelievable luck, I somehow kept my balance, came out on the other side a better person, and am now married to an amazing woman who is a much better match for me...and...is the woman I was supposed to be with in the first place. I hope my friend will find the same, and I'll do everything I can to help him get there. If any of you know of someone who may be going through this, please share these thoughts, if you think they will help. If it does help someone maintain balance in a difficult time, it'll definitely be worth it!
Namaste
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