Yin and Yang (Revisited)

Recently, I wrote a blog about the importance of balance in work and life, and how well received such a simple message was at a recent sales meeting that I facilitated.  I had no idea how prophetic this little blog would be.

On July 14, 2013, my father passed away.  He is survived by my mother, me and my wife, my sister and brother in law, four grandchildren between me and my sister, and a host of friends from way way way back.  On a beautiful Sunday around lunchtime, he went out in his backyard on the intracoastal waterway, and shot and killed himself.

My father had recently battled some health issues and was struggling to heal from a triple bypass procedure that he underwent in March.  Depression, addiction, and self destructive behaviors run deep in the grooves of my family tree.  He overcame all of these demons in his life to become a good husband, father, grandfather, employee, boss, friend, and human being.

In the end, however, the depression won out.  Why?  My father lost his balance.  He lost his Yin and Yang.  Too much focus on the darkness...too little focus on the light.  He had so many things to be thankful for and to live for, but without that balance, he lost out to the demons.

I'm under no delusions of grandeur here.  I believe this blog will probably get read by 9 people or so, all of whom know me.  On the odd chance it does circulate beyond that, I am hopeful that it may make somebody think differently about a few things.

I have no intention of turning this into a 2nd Amendment discussion.  I hate guns and think they have no place in residential neighborhoods.  I hate them even more now.  However, my father was a proud gun owner and simply exercised his right to do so.  He made a decision to use that gun in a fashion I will never fully understand, but it was his decision to make.

This is no indictment of the health system either.  Although, the one brief commentary I will offer is that the anti depressant medication was clearly NOT making him any better, and I would have preferred that his doctors would have tried anything else besides upping his dosage.

This is a simple plea to anyone who has a family member, friend, or anyone close to them suffering from depression...or to anyone who is suffering from depression themselves.  PLEASE exhaust every opportunity to find balance.

I cannot fathom how much pain my father must've been in and why he decided this was his only option.  I found him in the backyard.  That image will haunt me until the end of my life for sure.  He left a note in which he described the pain he was in and his embarrassment at being a burden to everyone.  I wish my father could see that his decision did not have the intended effect he was after.  Quite the contrary.  None of us are relieved.  We are all some version of sad, angry, pissed, hurt, confused, and heartbroken.  We will be for some time.

If anyone out there thinks that this is a good way to go, I can promise you, it isn't.  Find balance.  Help a loved one or a friend find balance.  There are better ways to stop suffering.

Namaste, Dad.  I love you.